August 16, 2014

When your "LIST" becomes GREATER than you can Manage on your Own

                                              I've added homeschool to my "list". 

You know, that list of *things to do.  As if it were a CHORE or an item to check off at the end of the day.
You have to understand.....this mama has a REALLY hard time not wanting to see EVERYTHING on my to do list crossed off at the end of the day.
If it's taking up precious brain space then I'd at least like the satisfaction of seeing it done so I can make room for something else.
Especially now that Justin's not here to share the load, lists, errands and chores WITH me I feel overwhelmed at times not being able to see to everything that I have to do.
This last week, having added ONE.MORE.THING to my "load"..... I learned a valuable lesson that most of y'all probably learned a long time ago.

All I need to do is the NEXT most important thing.
When I run out of day (or steam---whichever comes first ;)) will. still. be. there. tomorrow.
and if I don't get it all done?
It's OKAY!

I have had to work hard to convince myself of that.

and for THIS week anyway...starting into this NEW endeavor seemed to push back all of my other endeavors to a lesser priority.
all of my SUPER tasks like:
manage my home.
keep it clean.
pay the bills.
mediate arguments.
raise 4 children.
change the world.

Maybe that last one?
I can manage if I do my job.
Fill my kids' hearts with the Word and their minds with Knowledge and send them out to CHANGE the WORLD.  

I felt like I hadn't left my dining room for 5 days! that's not entirely true.
I surfaced for coffee.  And potty breaks.  And snuggles.  And time for play.  I allowed myself the occasional interruption to mediate an argument and we managed to get our act together Friday early enough to LEAVE.THE.HOUSE.  As we left I looked behind me at the pile of laundry and dishwasher still full of clean dishes, all of the things that still needed to be seen to and fought the urge to run back in and see to it before we left.
But I many other things would I find that I still needed to see to and never see the light of day!?
So we ventured out for play. 

The laundry will get done.
The house is still standing.
and I managed to spend some time curled up with my kids to watch a movie last night only *AFTER* having managed to find the bottom of my sink and the white on my kitchen counters :).  (trying to avoid staring at that mountain of laundry that would be waiting for me in the morning.)

It will all get done.  I know.

It's when I try to be MORE than what's needed for the moment I see myself overwhelmed by burdens I just wasn't meant to carry. 

                                   This moment HERE.  THAT is where LIFE is.

If I don't take the time to embrace what's HERE in this moment and instead choose to live in every moment after dwelling on what I HAVEN'T seen to I will miss it.
It will all get done.

At times I am tempted to clench my fists and throw an honest to goodness full blown preschool sized temper tantrum (tears and all) and cry out, "I never wanted to do THIS alone!"
Before I can even utter the words-----I hear Him. {as if He's physically standing before me, holding my face in His hands.} 
                                      "My daughter, you were never meant to."

Some days all I can manage is JUST being my kids' mom.
When I know full and WELL my "list" is much larger than any one person should have to tackle on their own.
But if He brought me to this point----is He such a God that would abandon me NOW?
I know this----(because I have seen it and He has PROVEN Himself to me) He will prepare me for my tomorrows and sustain me through my every day into every GOOD thing He has planned for me. He knows what I need for each moment and is MORE than able to meet my EVERY need.
Seeing Him in THIS matter what I may find here......that's a gift. 
In ALL of my days.
In the mess.
In the struggles.
In the sinfulness of my humanity.
In the PILES of laundry........
even in my temper tantrums.
Goodness isn't an elusive dream just up ahead that I am relentlessly pursuing.
Goodness is HERE.
It follows me. Wave after wave of GRACE and GOODNESS.
These moments need God-perspective.
If only we could see God Himself in this moment would take our breath away.
God is good.
And every moment God GOOD.

It's when I stop trying to DO it all that I can find REST for THIS moment and ENJOY the GOOD He has for me. 

 Besides---My kids don't need a SUPER mom. They need a mom that depends on a SUPER God. 
 and He and I?  We make a pretty good team ;)
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