October 16, 2014

When NOTHING looks like you Imagined it Would be

I look around me and to be honest, NOTHING is as I imagined it would be. 
CHANGE has upended my world in SUCH significant ways.  It has literally changed the DNA of my life.........

Since I was a little girl I had something in mind.  
I had PLANS.
I was going to be a Dr.  I was going to speak in front of audiences.  I entered college in pursuit of a degree in Psychology and Youth Ministry knowing where I was {headed}. Counseling, Social Work, Therapy, dynamics of family and relationships....it was all part of my PLAN.  Mid-college career my plans were {DIVERTED}.  I had an opportunity that THRILLED me.  Working with individuals who had special needs.  For as long as I could remember I had a place in my heart for THIS very purpose.  I finished my course of studies, I met Justin and after some time ended up marrying the man and moving to Atlanta.  

Uprooted.
Upended.

Transplanted. 


I started working with a family who had an autistic boy and I. HAD. PLANS. 
GRAND PLANS.
One day.........I could see it all.  

HOWEVER, in my plans, was a family.  And a family was BORN.
I *SUDDENLY* (if suddenly can happen over a matter of 4 children, 9 months of growing a small human inside of me for each one, in a span of 7 years.) found myself surrounded.
3 boys and a little girl.

Consumed with SUCH a great calling.  

A few years after my daughter was born my husband was faced with unemployment. 
THIS WAS NOT THE WAY THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO GO. 
Within the time frame of {God's perfect timing} I was presented with an opportunity that could ONLY be orchestrated in such a Divine way. Our every need was met and my husband was rocking the stay-at-home dad thing while continuing to look for a job.  BOTH of us believing God would provide in the way *we thought He should.* WE. HAD. PLANS.  


3 years later I was faced with the grave reality my husband was not coming home.  
Derailed. All at once my world turned upside down. Widowed with 4 children I looked around me gasping for air....."WHAT NOW?"

What is this supposed to look like NOW?
How do you function as a family of 5 with only a mommy?  How will we manage all the things with such a significant part of our lives severed from the equation?  I had PLANS and THIS did not factor into them.

It is man who plans his way.
But it is the LORD who directs His steps Proverbs 16:9 

Everywhere I have gone, every step I've taken has been guided by One who's ways are higher than mine, who sees things on such a GRANDER scale and 
HE. HAD. A. PLAN .... before I had MINE......

I have learned this.....no MATTER what it looks like around you......
(Whether you find yourself in the middle of EVERYTHING you imagined life would be for you or where nothing looks familiar and nothing looks like you imagined it would be)
.....The will of God won't take you where the Grace of God won't keep you.
You can make all the plans you want to make....but be prepared, be WILLING to move with GOD should He have OTHER plans.  Moving with God I know I have NOTHING to fear.  I have nothing to lose. Because God is Sovereign and all-knowing and because His heart is one to PROSPER me, NOT to harm me but to bring me into EVERY good thing He HAS for me.  He's got the END in mind and HE. CAN. BE. TRUSTED.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
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