We don't GET to complain!
Those words echo in my mind as I think about the few days surrounding my husband's death. My world spinning, my head in a fog.....a formidable "WHAT NOW" looming over me.
THIS. IS. NOT. HOW THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO GO.
I don't know when it hit me. That entire day is a blur except for those specific moments God pushed himself through the darkness and spoke to me. PERSONALLY. INTIMATELY.
"We don't get to complain. We only get to be grateful for the time we had with him."
Before you judge my process of grieving or my line of thinking.......
it was a revelation of GINORMOUS proportions to me. It arrested my grief in that moment as I thought, "We only get to be grateful."
What a gift of GRACE.
That wasn't the only tangible evidence of God's presence I had that day. It was so vivid. So real to me. There was no questioning His PURPOSEFUL revelations that day.
He is SO near to the brokenhearted. Such a vulnerable place to be.
Stripped. Bare and Naked......
Blanketed in His Grace.
So often since, I hear those words every time unrest creeps into the depths of my soul.
I don't get to complain.......
Can I TRUST in Sovereignty of God without so much as a hint of reservation?
Can I TRUST a God who isn't OBLIGATED to explain His actions to me?
Can I TRUST that His heart for me is GOOD?
Can I not just be GRATEFUL? To live a life of GRATITUDE for THIS MOMENT HERE......for the GOODNESS behind me and for ALL the GOOD ahead?
Seeing the bigger picture.
You cannot be both GRATEFUL *and* BITTER.
How often I am driven to list my grievances before God not KNOWING what He is up to!
Not knowing how things are going to play out.
And how could I possibly turn the tables on His Grace to think that somehow I've been RIPPED off and so has my husband.
When God MORE THAN GENEROUS IN GRACE stepped in when Justin stepped into Heaven. He KNEW this was coming.....16 years ago when I said, "I DO.....till death."
In fact He knew from the moment I was born. Can I not TRUST that His ways are HIGHER? Can I not just be GRATEFUL for this moment here and all of my tomorrows no matter what they may hold? There is nothing beyond His reach. He's working ALL things together for a GRAND and GLORIOUS plan. I ONLY GET TO BE GRATEFUL.